On Success

My idea of success was much clearer when I was younger than it is now. It was the vision of me, in a business suit and heels, sitting in an office behind a door which had my name on it, returning to the house I owned and sitting around the dinner table with my partner and children. Money, status and fulfilling what society expected of me was what mattered the most. 

But as we get older, our perspective naturally shifts and 'adult life' evolves into something not quite like what we pictured it to be as children. We start to consider that the list of things we wanted to achieve before we hit thirty might just have to be pushed back to forty, or be re-considered altogether - at least that's what has happened for me. 

For many of us, the events of the past few years have further shaken our perspectives and forced us to re-evaluate and adjust. For me, the last few years have been characterised by change, and this has urged me to reconsider many different aspects of my life, to redistribute my focus, to redefine success and to restore balance.

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In 2020, I decided to take a career break from my role as a Clinical Scientist. Perhaps this was because my sense of success was becoming blurred and I was becoming disillusioned with the notion that life would feature a steady upward progression, both professionally and personally. From school onwards, we move step-by-step on a pre-determined path, GSCEs to A-Levels to University etc. - ticking boxes as we go and passing onto the next level. Finally landing in the world of work, it quickly became apparent to me that my future path was not clear, neither in terms of direction nor the absence of barriers in my way. The theoretical next steps of 'get a job, secure a promotion etc.' were not so straight forward, and the 'find a partner, buy a house, have children' items on the checklist even more questionable.

In my first NHS job, I was launched straight into the reality of inequity and exclusion in the workplace, facing racial discrimination from a colleague - the blatancy of which I still can't really believe happened. In my second NHS job, I found myself feeling burnt out and disheartened watching those around me progress to more senior levels, while I worked above and beyond to prove myself worthy. I lost enthusiasm and drive for the work I used to love.  During this time I was also juggling my clinical duties with voluntary Equality, Diversity and Inclusion (EDI) work, and although I was so passionate about the work I was doing, anyone working in this field will surely relate to the fact that it is completely draining to face the stark reality of these issues day-in day-out and feel like you keep hitting a brick wall in your attempts at achieving awareness, accountability and real change. 

I had visited St Vincent and the Grenadines (SVG) to see a friend on her medical school elective placement that same year.  I remember returning to work after that holiday and realising that I wanted to do so much more than work 40+ hours a week, particularly when I was feeling so discouraged in my role. I also distinctly remember recognising the complete absence of community and sense of a general lack of optimism; how strange it was to sit on a train full of the same people every single day, never even saying good morning or smiling at eachother. Every day, just making sure to keep your head down and mind your business. Even after spending only a few weeks on the small Caribbean island, I struggled to re-adjust, with the contrast between the two places becoming profound to me. I had also accepted the fact that, despite working really hard, moving back home and trying to save my money towards buying a house – it still seemed near impossible that this could happen anytime soon. Moreover, I became unsure of whether I wanted to be tied down to one place, and why, considering everything, that place would be here.

One day, on a boat trip around the Grenadine islands, I made some connections with professionals in the medical cannabis industry; it was just starting to take off in SVG and we discussed the clear links with epilepsy and how my background in neuroscience could be valuable to their project. This chance meeting led to me taking a risk of leaving my job and travelling back out there for a year, following a potential new path in my career and stepping out of my comfort zone.

I still can’t decide if I went away at the best or worst time.  A month after I arrived, the COVID pandemic hit and all of my research plans were put on pause. After many difficult conversations debating whether to return home to be with family in such uncertain times, or to stay on the beautiful Caribbean island where I was relatively safe and unaffected, although away from loved ones - I decided to stay (surprise!). While everyone at home was on lockdown, I was becoming immersed in Vincy life.

I can't lie and say it was amazing 100% of the time; it wasn't all beaches and boats and rum (although it was for a lot of it). I felt so lucky for the opportunity to spend time there (and be away from the madness at home) and it taught me to appreciate my privilege, in the way that I was financially able to take such a long break from work and for the relative ease I had growing up how and where I did. I learned a lot about myself - about who I really am, away from all the people, places and things which previously defined me. I built some really strong relationships which helped me to grow as a person and understand myself better, and although some of these relationships didn't outlast my time there, they also helped me to realise that the success or impact of a bond isn't always equal to it's longevity. Living in the Caribbean provided me with a greater knowledge of and connection to part of my heritage I had previously found lacking.  In more ways than one, I feel like I came back a different person. I had taken a risk, things hadn't gone to plan, and it had turned out fine - that opened up a whole new set of possibilities for me. I didn't have to be stuck in one place, or in one job. If I didn't like how things were going, I could change them. 

The characteristic slowed pace of the Caribbean and positive outlook also infiltrated me. I have since tried to stress less, stop worrying and take life as it comes. Ask any Vincentian how they are and you'll likely hear "good, for the time" - real life on a Caribbean island is certainly not paradise; ongoing challenges, uncertainty, vulnerability and the acceptance that good times may be short-lived run parallel to the strong sense of community, centering of enjoyment and living in the present.  Life is about balance.

On a 'team bonding' catamaran trip to Tobago Cays Marine Park, The Grenadines, May 2020

In London, we glamorise overworking. We automatically respond to 'how are you?' with responses detailing how busy work has been. We become defined by our jobs. We live for the weekends - the only time we can have fun and spend our time how we chose to - and wish our weekdays away quickly. Over time I have realised that I don't want to fall into this trap. Both my experience of living in SVG and the pandemic made me realise how important my time is - having more of it (or just more time spent in a different way) made me think about how I wanted to spend my time going forward. As much as work is important to me, time spent with family, friends, enjoying myself and looking after myself is of greater importance. Many of my friends are facing this challenge now as companies try to phase out working from home to resume working in the office, inevitably meaning they will lose time to their jobs again. I think the past few years have, in a sense, forced us all to re-evaluate our idea of success and question how happy we were with the way we were previously living. We have re-discovered the importance of time and self-care.

So it turns out that, to me, success isn't what I previously thought it was. Success doesn’t just come from our career or reflect the amount of money we earn or what we own - it is not materialistic. Nor is it about what we have to show for ourselves by a certain age. Success means something different to every single one of us; it’s about getting the balance right of what’s most important to us in our lives and what we need as individuals. It all comes down to how you feel about yourself. In the words of Maya Angelou:

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it”

A better measure of success

Success means being content within myself, upholding my values and being grounded in my self-worth. It means having the freedom to do the things I enjoy, optimising my physical and mental health, dedicating time to and showing my appreciation for my those close to me, taking time to rest and being able to implement boundaries that allow me to recharge in the way I need, having the time to enjoy my passions and interests, learning and developing myself and being able to commit time to help, support and empower others. Work isn't more important than home life, in the same way that I've realised that romantic love isn't more important than all the other forms of love present in my life - we have to pay attention to all the different aspects of our lives to feel balanced and achieve a sense of success.

The wheel of life is a tool used in life coaching to explore and challenge notions of success and to achieve balance. It's an interesting tool to look at when we become too focused on our careers, or our love lives, reminding us that other factors are just as important to our wellbeing and the satisfaction we gain from life. 

The theme of success runs alongside that of purpose - the central motivating aim of our lives. Those of us that work in healthcare often do so because it serves our purpose of helping others. In a serving profession, insisting on balance is of even more importance, for our own well-being as well as our ability to effectively do our jobs. In the NHS we are chronically overworked, understaffed and it is easy to get caught up in daily frustrations and stresses. We must commit to slowing our pace, to caring for ourselves, and always prioritising ourselves and our loved ones - creating time to focus on the wide range of factors which contribute to our success outside of the workplace.

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Since returning from my career break, my role as a Clinical Scientist has now broadened to encompass aspects of leadership, management, education and development. I have more autonomy in a more senior role (yes, I finally got that promotion in another Trust) and I am lead for the clinical area I hold a special interest in. I have more flexibility so that I can contribute to additional work that truly matters to me, such as improving inclusivity in healthcare. I spend time with students and aspiring healthcare scientists, teaching, coaching and having an influence on the future of my profession. Prompted by my career break, I have also been  able to explore new interests and passions, including contributing to the health and wellness industry and projects to improve medical education and healthcare facilities in SVG. More recently, I started a mentorship role and am exploring different routes to inspire, empower and motivate young people, particularly those from racially marginalised or underprivileged backgrounds and those who often don't see themselves in careers like mine. Something as simple as working only four days per week gives me the freedom of an extra day off, which I can use to fulfill my sense of purpose, or simply to socialise, have fun, rest and reset - to ensure I am maintaining balance. My determination to progress within my career now stems from my potential to have an impact on people - in neurophysiology and healthcare in general, to break the mould of rarely seeing leaders who don't look like me, to improve staff and patient experiences and to address healthcare inequalities.

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As a result of making that decision to leave my job and take a risk over a year ago, my confidence has improved massively - I know myself better, have realised my worth and am confident in what I am able to offer in a professional, but also personal sense. I have a more rounded perspective when it comes to success and have taken steps to achieve a better balance in my life. As I get ready to fly back out to SVG in a few weeks time, I can't help but think how much I've changed since I packed my bags and headed to Heathrow over two years ago. I've definitely grown,  I'm more secure in who I am and happy as a result, I'm proud of the work I’m doing and the direction I’m heading in – I think Maya would agree that is success.